One of the common questions that people who visit me ask is how I don’t feel lonely living here alone most of the time. I tell them that I enjoy my own company. I enjoy the company of nature and the books that I have. I enjoy the company of silence. It’s not loneliness but it’s solitude.
Loneliness and solitude are often confused, but they are very different experiences. Loneliness is not really about being alone. A person can feel lonely even when surrounded by people. It is the feeling of being disconnected, unseen, or not truly understood. When someone is lonely, there is a sense of lack inside. One feels that something important is missing, whether it is warmth, attention, or meaning. This is why people sometimes feel lonely in crowds, at parties, or even within families. The body may be present, but the heart feels distant. People tend to think that living alone is also an extension of loneliness, but it is not.
Solitude, for me, is different. Solitude is something I choose consciously. It is the time I spend alone without trying to escape myself. In solitude, I am not running from silence. I sit with my own thoughts, my breath, and my feelings. I can introspect or even meditate. I try to look at my thoughts and feelings in a way that makes me understand them better. In this personal space, I see my fears, my hopes, and also the small, simple joys that I usually ignore when life gets noisy. Solitude is about reading a good book and living in the moment. It’s about seeing the nature around me and being awed. Solitude is enjoying my own company.
Loneliness on the other hand creates restlessness. The mind keeps looking outside for comfort, through constant activity, talking, scrolling, or seeking social validation and approval. Solitude creates stillness. It allows the mind to relax and the heart to slow down. Loneliness makes time feel heavy and long. Solitude makes time feel open and gentle. One tightens the chest, the other relaxes it. This difference becomes even more obvious when I look around myself. A lot of my neighbours here live alone or at times spend long times being alone. Some of them feel loneliness and others enjoy the solitude. It becomes obvious when I occasionally meet them or see their messages.
It is also true that when someone first starts to connect with solitude, it may feel uncomfortable. Old memories, worries, and unfinished emotions can surface. This does not mean solitude is harmful. It means the mind is becoming quiet enough to hear what was always there. In Zen practice, nothing is pushed away and nothing is held tightly. Thoughts are noticed and allowed to pass. Over time, this simple presence becomes healing. This is where the mindfulness and clear thinking steps in. Over the last few years, I am trying to reach this state. Still a long way to go!
Solitude does not replace human connection. We are social beings after all, and we need others. But when we learn to be at ease with ourselves, we no longer depend on others to fill every empty space inside us. Then, when we are with people, we can meet them with calmness instead of neediness, and with openness instead of fear. In this way, solitude does not lead us away from the world. It brings us back to it with a quieter mind and a fuller heart.
I read a slogan behind a truck the other day – It’s better to be lonely than be in a bad company.
And as a further extention to that thought – It’s always better to be in solitude than be lonely.
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