Beyond Anger and Jealousy

Life in the hills has a way of slowing the mind and opening quiet spaces within. While living the slow life here, I get a chance to introspect and remember the various reactions and feelings that I have had over the last many years. The two most difficult feelings to get rid of have been anger and jealousy. Once they were taken care of, many things sort themselves out without much effort. A little greed may still linger from time to time, but it becomes far easier to handle when the other two no longer shake the mind.

People are generally good. Problems arise when people get into the traps of anger, greed and above all jealousy. From ancient Hindu texts and Buddhism to the teachings of Neem Karoli Baba from Kainchi Dham, everyone has been saying this. Saints and wise teachers across centuries have spoken of these shadows that cloud the mind. And yet people still get trapped in them to such an extent that they feel sad and even cause harm to others. Just yesterday I was watching the film Interstellar and I realised a profound dialogue that earlier had not fully reached my heart. There is nothing evil in nature. It may be scary and even harmful but not evil in the true sense. Evil happens when we humans allow ourselves to be affected by the traps of jealousy and anger.

For me, the first feeling to rise above was anger. It took me a long time to understand what it truly was. For years I believed that my angry outbursts were a healthy release, a way to empty frustration before it grew too heavy. People even advised me to let it out instead of holding it inside. But over time I realised that what I thought was an outlet was actually pouring more fat into a fire. The flames only grew brighter and hotter.

Slowly I taught myself a different way. Now I try to reason and see why things happened in the first place. When I pause and look at the situation calmly, I often discover that there was no real need for anger at all. Many times it is actually my mistake or my behaviour that was prone to misinterpretation by others regardless of my intentions. Whatever the cause may be, there is always a reason behind every reaction. Once I see that reason, the anger simply does not rise. It fades before it finds strength.

Though I have noticed there are some people who seem blessed with a rare talent. They can misinterpret anything. You offer them a cup of tea and somehow they hear a declaration of war. You compliment their new shirt and they take it as a philosophical insult. Such gifted individuals appear in life more often than one would wish. Then there are those who make me feel like a scientist studying my own anger levels. Every time I meet them, I can almost hear a voice in my head saying observe the rise in temperature and note the changes in behaviour. After a few such encounters I realised the simplest wisdom of all. Since I am not an ascetic, I find that from such people it is best to maintain a peaceful and respectful distance. For everyone’s wellbeing, especially mine.

Jealousy was harder to recognise because it hides in silence. It slips in quietly, wrapped in comparison and self doubt. It tells us that others have better lives, better opportunities or greater talent. It makes us forget the blessings that sit right in front of us. Jealousy narrows the heart until even good news from others feels heavy.

From feeling jealous of people who grew up with a strong financial cushion to grumbling about nepotism in different work environments including hospitality. From being treated as an outsider in my own country to worrying about saving enough for my family. I have felt jealousy rise within me many times. It comes quietly, sometimes as a complaint, sometimes as a sigh, sometimes as a sharp thought that why was I denied the things that many people seem to enjoy which are as simple as being born in the right geography.

Yet acknowledging it has been the first step towards loosening its hold. When I look at these feelings with honesty instead of shame, they soften. They stop hiding in dark corners. They become a part of my journey rather than a weight I carry. In that simple awareness, there is a sense of release and a reminder that the mind can always return to balance. Living close to nature helped me understand this better. In my orchard each plant grows at its own pace. Some ripen early, some ripen late, but everything has its season. No tree compares itself to the next. When I began seeing life in this way, I realised that jealousy only grows when we lose sight of our own path. Once I returned my focus to my work, my rhythm and my joys, the feeling slowly loosened its grip. I am thankful that I exist and in whatever way. I maybe called an outsider here but still I am surviving and doing that with purpose and happiness.

Greed remains in small traces, appearing as the desire for a little more comfort or recognition. Yet when anger and jealousy are handled, greed does not turn into such a big burden. It becomes something we can observe, understand and gently set aside. Gratitude and feeling thankful takes its place and the mind settles again. Minimalism, and realization of the difference between needs and wants has also helped.

These all feelings do not disappear overnight. It takes effort and honesty to face them, just as it took me years to recognise their patterns in my own life. But every step taken towards calmness brings a sense of freedom. When anger stops burning and jealousy stops whispering, the heart becomes lighter. It becomes easier to breathe, to forgive and to live with a sense of simple peace.

In the quiet of these mountains, I continue to learn. I still have to improve myself a lot. Every day teaches that the mind becomes clearer when we understand our own reactions. And as clarity grows, so does happiness. It all comes from within.

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