Politics and Friends

There was a time when I took political discussions personally. I believed that if someone disagreed with me, they were rejecting something important. I wanted to explain my point, defend it, and sometimes even convince the other person that I was right. Looking back, I realise I was carrying far more weight than those conversations deserved.

These days, I find myself listening more than arguing. I try to ask questions instead of preparing replies. I have discovered that understanding another person’s view is often more rewarding than trying to change it. Not every discussion needs a winner. Some conversations are simply an opportunity to know another human being a little better and understand their point of view. A friend for example sees the gross injustice in how examinations are held, another one sees the protest as an unwanted platform for disruptions. Someone sides with Israel and someone else with Palestine. Some favour a free-market, others are convinced that the economies need guidance. Did Iran want to end their regime or did US interfere mindlessly? Whenever I hear the news, which I now a days try to keep away from, I always wonder where the world is headed to.

Each one’s ideas are primarily shaped by where they are born and the people they live with. In most cases, people don’t get to choose their religion, country, society, exposure to politics and ideologies, and even education. I feel that everyone’s ideas are actually a reflection of these all factors, though some do change with time and exposure to other ideas.

As I have grown older, I have come to see politics differently. Governments change. Leaders rise and fall. Promises are made and forgotten. What seems like the biggest issue today often fades into the background with time. Life moves on, whether our favourite party or movement wins or loses.

What has stayed with me are the people. The friends who shared meals with me, stood by me during difficult days, laughed at old stories, and made ordinary moments memorable. It seems strange to risk all of that because we happened to mark different boxes on a ballot paper. I have also learned that a difference of opinion is not a flaw. Two thoughtful people can love their country and still disagree on how it should be governed. That is not something strange. In many ways, it is healthy. Different ideas challenge us. They make us question our own beliefs and remind us that none of us sees the whole picture.

I do care about my country. I still have opinions, and I still vote according to my conscience and my limited exposure to information, which is presently clouded by lots of falsehoods, and presented in a way by various algorithms that align with what one feels comfortable with. But I no longer carry those opinions into every friendship. I would rather lose an argument than lose someone I care about.

The older I become, the more I value simple things. A walk through the orchard. A cup of tea with a friend. A good book on a quiet afternoon. The sound of birds after the rain. None of these moments asks which political party I support. They remind me that life is much larger than the arguments that fill our television screens and social media feeds. We as a species will vanish one day from this planet (and how I see it – what a big relief it will be for mother nature) and then the simple things will once again rule the world. Carl Sagan’s photograph of the Pale Blue Dot shows how insignificant we are and yet how big a ego we nurture.

That is one of the important lessons life teaches with age. Ideas will change. Protests will happen. Governments will change. Even our own beliefs may change. But kindness, respect, humanity, and relationships are worth holding on to. They have a way of outlasting every political change.

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